What I mean when I say that is your level of frequency. For example, do you have a wonderful attitude or is it a pessimistic attitude? Where is your mindset at the thoughts and the feelings that you have on repeat? That is more important than anything that you can do. You're going to see my formula for really checking in on who you're being, because that is more important than what you are doing.
Listen to the Corresponding Podcast Episode:
Sometimes it's hard to hear that. I always say that it's so important that we don't beat ourselves up about that, but we actually get really clear that it is up to us. I always teach my clients that radical responsibility, radical self responsibility, is the key to everything from relationships, to a business, to money, to your health. It is so important to come to that awareness. So, I want to share something that I discovered.
The first couple of years of trying to grow my business was really, really challenging. I tried to just do all the things like I had done in my corporate career. Note, the emphasis on doing. So, I was doing, doing, doing, but the business was not creating consistent revenue. It was a really challenging time for me and for my family. I was starting to have conversations with my husband that I may need to go back to a corporate job, and that was the last thing that I wanted to do. Then, I heard something that changed my life, and I'm hoping that it can help you here today.
It's Not All About the Doing
That was that it's not all about the doing. It was about who I was being. When this really started to hit home and resonate with me, I realized that I was not being the version of me that had a successful business that had recurring income, so that I wouldn't have to go back to corporate.
That was a huge epiphany for me. It changed everything for me. and I like to think of the idea here that your business can't outperform you. Your career can't outperform you. Your relationships cannot outperform you. Your health and fitness can't outperform you. Getting balance in your life can't outperform you. YOU are the key. But what does that mean? I always say with my clients that working on you as much as you work on your business is a requirement, but what does that mean? I like to think of the inner work as meaning four things:
- Self responsibility
- Self awareness
- Self accountability
- Self compassion
I believe that as women, those four things are challenging, but they are the key to everything. When we take on full self responsibility, self awareness of how we're showing up and who we're being, self accountability for all the results that we have or do not have in our life, but that we also look at ourselves with massive compassion as we're on this journey. Those are the four ways that I like to look at what the inner work actually means. It really boils down to a self knowing. It's understanding your patterns, your shadows, your paradigms that do not serve you. It's understanding what beliefs do not serve you. What qualities in your personality and how you're showing up are not serving you. On the flip side, what patterns, what beliefs, what qualities would serve you? Where is there a gap?
We like to call that The to BE List in my world. Once we know what's holding us back in terms of our beliefs, our patterns, our habits, some of our qualities, and then we look at those that could help us achieve the results that we want, that's your To BE List. That's who you are literally working to BEcome. When I talk about becoming, it's really about remembering you are that most perfect, amazing soul. You just have a lot of junk on top. We've got these patterns and these shadows and these beliefs, and they come from years of experiences, years of living in a certain way. But, we can change that. What we often hear is that you just have to change your mindset.
What Mindset Really Is
To me, mindset is a loaded word. I really look at mindset as what I just shared with you. It's this self responsibility, self awareness, self accountability, self-compassion. I think what happens is that if you are an ambitious woman with big goals and dreams, you have been told time and time again to work on your mindset. To do the Inner work. But, what is mindset? Let's go underneath this a little deeper. Mindset is not inspiration. Mindset is not motivation. The definition of mindset is, “established attitudes that are held by someone.” Established attitudes. I took it a step further and looked up the word established. It means “rooted, entrenched. Rooted attitudes. The word attitude is “a settled way of thinking and feeling.”
So in order to change your mindset, you have to change deep rooted, settled ways of thinking and feeling. You can't just think positive affirmations and boom, your mindset's changed. It's just not. This is years and decades of settled ways of thinking and feeling that have you in a negative pattern, or with negative results that you don't want. The good news is we can change them. We can change these deep rooted, settled ways of thinking and feeling, but we've got to know how to do that. How do I change settled ways of thinking and feeling?
The way that I like to do it, is I like to think about my next big goal. Maybe it's your own business. Maybe you're looking to leave corporate with your own business. Maybe you are looking to have more of a legacy that you want to leave behind, and you have this big goal. What happens when we look at that goal, most of us, most humans, when they look at a goal that they have declared, they think, okay, what do I need to do? What do I need to do to accomplish this goal? What do I need to do so that I can have the business, the life, the relationships, the finances, the health that I want so that I can be happy, free, abundant, successful, balanced?
It's what do I need to DO so that I can HAVE, and then I will BE. When I tell you that, that fateful day in 2019 where everything changed for me when I was really struggling in my business, was when I heard that I had that backwards or jumbled up. That instead I needed to ask, who do I need to BE? Then what do I need to DO so that I can HAVE. It's who do I need to be to have a successful business? Then what do I need to do to have a successful business? It's not, “what do I need to DO,” it's “who do I need to BE?”
The Secret is in the BEing
What does that mean? What is BE? Well, it's the settled ways of thinking and feeling. You need a different attitude. You need a different mindset. So, I like to think of BEing as mindset or attitude. It's your vibration. It's your energy frequency. That is all way more important than the doing because it's the human BEing doing the doing. Not DOing so that you can then BE. If you can really get this concept down, you might need to read this a couple of times for it to really sink in, but the secret is in the being.
There's a great quote from Earl Nightingale that said, “before you can have the life you want, you must become that individual.” Think, walk, talk, and act like that individual. That's a very different kind of concept. It's not fake it until you make it. It's who do I need to BE? When you lead with the question, “who do I need to BE,” not “what do I need to do,” I promise you, you are going to unearth some pretty phenomenal answers.
I have a little trick for you. It's in my community. We talk about living by design, building your business by design, relationships by design, everything is by design rather than by default. A lot of people live life by default. When we think of live by default, I like to also think of it as kind of like being the victim. But, interestingly enough, we can be a victim to a lot of things. We can be a victim to time, a victim to our business, a victim to money. When you are doing things by design, living by design, business by design, money by design, relationships by design, you are literally being the victor. You are deciding with intention what you want those results to be in those areas, not just having them happen by default, thinking that you have no control. It is a powerful, powerful concept to live by. I actually created a formula of how to live life this way:
This is what it means: Your thoughts plus your feelings multiplied by massive consistent action will give you the results you want in your life.
Let's go through this a little bit. It's so powerful. If you remember learning math in school, you do the parentheses first. T + F are your thoughts plus your feelings. What did we say attitude was? Mindset was deeply rooted thoughts and feelings. So when we’re working on our thoughts and feelings, working on who we are BEing, or working on our mindset, our attitude is first. Then it's the doing, which is A for action. Who we are being, then what are we doing so that we can have the R is a result. So when you look at this, it's your thoughts and feelings. It's who you're being multiplied by the actions that you're taking. Massive action. Consistent action. Persistent action. This equals the results that you desire. This is the formula for life.
You could put anything in the R. Let's just say you want to have more balance in your life. First of all, you’ve got to know what balance means. What does that mean for you? Let's say that you want to work 20 hours a week, so your equal sign will be, “work 20 hours a week.” Well, you’ve got to manage your thoughts and feelings around that before you start taking action. What do people do? What do people do when they have a result like that? Okay, I wanna work 20 hours a week. How do I work 20 hours a week? And what do they do? They might go and try to get a time management course. They're going to go right to the “A,” right to the action – a time management course.
Maybe they think the perfect planner is gonna help them. They're going to go to all the different actions that might help them be able to get to 20 hours a week. But in reality, that won't work. You’ve got to go to the thoughts and the feelings. What do I need to be thinking? What do I need to be thinking to work 20 hours a week? What do I need to be feeling to work 20 hours a week? Who do I need to BE to work 20 hours a week? What does my attitude need to be? Trust me, this is the key to it all because we always go to the A. This is why the diet industry will continue to be the industry that it is with no one actually solving the problem, or very few people solving what they perceive as their problem of not being able to lose weight.
If you look at this formula, they really don't even bother to do anything on the (T + F) if they wanna lose 10 pounds. So the R is to lose 10 pounds. What do I need to do? hat do I need to eat? How do I need to exercise? Everything just goes to the A, to the action. But that's not how this works. We have to work on our thoughts and feelings. We have to work on our mindset, our attitude, because guess what? That's what got us the results we don't want in the first place. It's so powerful.
I'm going to leave you with something that's really, really powerful when you decide to go after something maybe you've never achieved before. If you decide that you're going to be a version of you that you've never been, and you focus on “who do I need to “BE,” and you continue to ask yourself that question, and you use this formula to self coach yourself, I promise you that you're going to get to those results faster than if you just kept asking yourself, “what do I need to do?”
Make that shift.
Who do I need to BE?
You can ask that for your relationship, money, health and fitness, business, career, you name it. Just start asking yourself that question. Who do I need to BE? Not, “what do I need to do?” I promise you, you will start to see bigger and faster results in your life.
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